I’ve gone through a lot in my 19 years of life and most of them is a friendship breakup. I’ve got ditched, blamed on and even took all the shit for most of them, but one not as bad as my most longest BFF.

Let’s call her Jasmine.

Jasmine was my best friend since I was 15. We were friends since 10 but back then, she had many other best friends. Too much, to say the least. We bonded over the fact we was in the same class and we shared SO MANY THINGS in common. We told our fears, hopes, dreams and downright dirty little secrets to each other and only both of us knew about it. Sure, we had loads of close friends or friends, but we didn’t open up to them like how we opened up to each other. She was like a sister I never had. (Oh, I do have sisters, but they’re like 9-17 years older than me. So they grew up first)

Jasmine thought me to be lady-like(due to the fact I grew up around boys) and love myself. She showed me a world of love and friendship. But the thing about Jasmine is that she likes to shove me to the back when she has found someone else to talk to. I’m pretty sure she has shared secrets to two other girls instead of me and somehow, that hurts me a little. Though, she was still the only one i shared most of my secrets to. Other than the boyfriend. But he only came in like, when I was 17.

She only came back to me when she had no one else to talk to and I was okay with that. Until this year. She hid things from me and even push my feelings aside. I confide in her when I was hurt and she told me she doesn’t want to know nor does she want to burden herself with other people’s feelings. MY feelings, to be exact. But when she was hurt and in pain, I was there to shoulder all her tears and sadness. I was there to make her laugh and kept her company throughout the ordeal. I never complained or did I bothered with my own feelings.

Her on-off boyfriend and I were close because she always brings him for our girls day out. We were so close that he confide in me when Jasmine hurt him or they broke up and to be honest, I was the one who cleaned up for her. I listened to him cry and I tried to be there for him while defending her and her callous actions/words towards him. Which is mostly, “I want to break up”.

The most hurtful moment was from the time she cheated on him. I found out solely because he called me to INFORMED me of what she did. I confronted her, she denied it and guilt me into believing I was siding him. When her boyfriend finally made her confess, I was boiling with rage. Not only did she not tell me AGAIN(yes, this wasn’t the first time she had done this) I had to find out through the boyfriend and she could even LIE to my face. The hurt I was feeling was heart breaking.

The boyfriend cried to me again and I still cleaned up after Jasmine and still side her. He promised himself he wasn’t going to be with her and told me to take care of her. He was done. With that, I talked to Jasmine and gave her my shoulder for her to cry on. I took care of her, made her laughed and brought her out constantly. Till one day, when she was done from work and I was spending time with my man, she messaged me;

“Hey, did you know, it’s been 10 years since we’re friends and 5 years since we’ve been best friends :)”

I was elated. I was happy that she actually thought about it and remembered. So many things was going through my mind, I was planning to commemorate it by going dinner or something. I texted her what I thought and her reply was

“See, how useless you are”

I know she was joking, I knew it deep down in my heart but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was tattered and broken. I was hurt and in pain and worn out from her last episode. From then on, I avoided her, ignored her and told her excuses not to hang out. I couldn’t help it. I just can’t. After that, she has been talking to one of our close friends who I actually dislike. Let’s call her Susan. She was so full of herself and she likes to look down on others. So she has been talking to her and one time she messaged me;

“Hey, where have you been ? I wanna hang out”

I felt bad but I was actually busy that time with my finals and I decline politely and told her my plan of meeting up after and she said;

“You know, Susan nowadays is so much better than you”

And that ticked me off. She knew I dislike her and now she’s comparing me with her ? Of all people, why her ? I hated it, so I retaliate;

“Obviously, you basically replaced me with her already, haven’t you.”

She never replied me after that.

Do I feel bad ?

Do I miss her ?
With all my heart.

But, I don’t think I can be best friends with her again. Its too heart breaking and it was wearing me out.

P.S. She and her boyfriend got back together. She’s happy with him and Susan. We actually met again for Christmas, but that is another story for another time. 🙂


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